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Gift Guide, Christmas 2009: for Guys Who Never See Their Kids (or Nephews, Nieces)


When I was a little kid, I had an uncle like you. I liked him, looked up to him, even wanted to be like him in some ways, but he was never ever ever EVER around. But, now that 20 years have passed, and he's an even bigger screw-up than he was then, I still have positive feelings when I think about him. 

Why? Because he did what all little kids love for their long lost fathers and uncles to do (and what all real parents absolutely hate that guys like you do). He got me the most awesome gifts ever.

When I was in second grade and my parents couldn't afford and didn't want me to have a Nintendo (NES), my crappy uncle bought me one for Christmas. 

Another year, when the rest of my Christmas presents sucked, my crappy uncle bought me this amazing remote control hovercraft with two big fans on the back and a lifelike inflating bottom raft and it would hover and speed and spin all over the place and...okay, I'm getting a little carried away. 

Still, as big of a hit those presents were, and as great of memories as I have about them, I'm sure that they were both born of necessity as my uncle drove to my house and thought, "Dammit. I better buy that kid a present," and recklessly swerved across three lanes of traffic to hit up a Walmart or Toys R Us.

So, to save you some last-minute Christmas shopping headache, to save you some money, and to save you from making a horrible mistake of buying the wrong thing...here, Mr. Guy Who Never Sees Your Kid (or Nephew or Niece)...is what you should buy this Christmas,  2009. 

RULE #1 - Buy an iPod Touch (8gb, newest 3rd Generation)

Best deal is at Amazon: click here. Should be around $180, about $20 less than at the Apple Store

If you're short on time, just click here to get it at Amazon now. You can thank me later.

But if you have a moment...Here's why the 8GB Apple iPod Touch is the #1 gift for Christmas 2009, especially for people in your situation.

  1. It's ranked #2* among Amazon bestsellers on these lists: bestselling electronics, most gifted electronics, and most wished for electronics. (*#1 is the Kindle reader, which I discuss below the next iPod Touch photo.)
  2. It's FUN and it does a lot of stuff: play music, surf the Web, play YouTube videos, use Facebook and instant messaging, play video games, and download lots of cool iPhone apps
  3. They'll take it everywhere and use it everyday, unlike a Nintendo Wii, will constantly be asked about it, and they'll constantly tell people that you got it for them
  4. It's at least $100 cheaper than a PS3 or the good Xbox 360 (not the Arcade), and it doesn't require you to buy a bunch of extra accessories to have fun
  5. You probably don't really need all the storage of a 32GB or 64GB iPod Touch, which cost a lot more

So to recap: The Apple iPod Touch 8GB will give you the most bang for your buck and make you a hero this Christmas.

If you're a real baller and are thinking bigger, go ahead and get the 64GB iPod Touch and the biggest and coolest Xbox 360 Elite, Modern Warfare 2 console.

* Note about Amazon Kindle - You should only get this if your son/daughter/niece/nephew is a total nerd and is proud of it. Otherwise, they will think you're doing the following three things:

  • encouraging them to read, and they think reading is boring
  • emphasizing the importance of education, and you have no right to do that, "absentee father/uncle"
  • pretending to be responsible, and they know that couldn't be further from the truth

Obviously, this is not what you want. Play to your strengths. Fun. Frivolous. Forever remembered for giving most FREAKING AWESOME gifts they ever received.

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How to Dress Like a Coastie

winterized coastie
winterized coastie (jsonline) ↑
coastie out of standard uniform
coastie out of uniform ↑

You know the coastie type - black tights, vneck shirt, possible North Face, LARGE sunglasses (80s Raybans is the current coastie preference) and Ugg boots. They usually try to carry their iPhone and Starbucks in one hand and a Blackberry phone in the other - maybe even keys to a brand new BMW 3 series. Like Snoop says: "Pimpin ain't easy".

Anyway, since everyone wants to look like a coastie I had one of my hot Coastie friends verify that this is what you need to stand out and look like a coastie. The clothes are almost $450, but Coasties don't care. The Blackberry is $424, and the daily Starbucks budget is $25. The MILWAUKEE Journal Sentinel provided the coastie photo and information, but the coasties were first discovered in MADISON.

See public reaction to Journal Sentinel's coastie research and more reaction here.

American Apparel Fine Jersey Short Sleeve V-Neck - White S

White V-Neck Tee

American Apparel 8328 Cotton Spandex Jersey Legging

Black leggings all day

Kid's Classic Short UGG Australia Boots, CHOCOLATE, Size 4

Gotta have those Ugg boots

Longchamp Le Pliage Shoulder Tote Duffle Bag Purse Handbag (Hawthorne)

Longchamp Bag

Ray Ban ORIGINAL WAYFARER 2140 - Select Color and Size (Gloss Black/Grey G-15XLT lens 901 -50mm)

Rayban Wayfarers

BlackBerry Curve 8900 Javelin Unlocked Phone with 3.2 MP Camera, GPS, Stereo Bluetooth, Media Player, and MicroSD Slot--International Version with No Warranty (Black)

Blackberry Curve 8900

Urban Dictionary's definition of a coastie

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Southwest Airlines Price Drop Guarantee Got Me Money Back

Competition is great at driving down prices. Right now Southwest, Virgin America, and others are competing fiercely for transportation routes between northern and southern California.

$39 one-way flights are great at allowing me to visit friends and family more often. When booking my flight for Thanksgiving on Southwest the rates were $49. Still far less than in years past, but not the $39 that is typically advertised.

Today I logged in to Southwest to see if I could change my reservation to an earlier flight. In the process I noticed that the existing flight I was already booked on was now $39. So, I re-booked the same flight at the new rate and Southwest credited my account $10.

It would be nice if Southwest did this automatically. In the future re-check the going rates for your existing flights to see if you qualify for a refund or credit. You can also use a service like Yapta to track when your flight prices drop.

I'll be taking the credit from Southwest and applying it to my flight home during the December holidays. Southwest gets more of my business and I save more money.

Further reading:

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What is America Buying?

We recently received an email from Walmart outlining their upcoming deals for black friday, cyber monday, and the holiday season. Along with the email came an interesting report outlining their top selling items from their web site. What do Americans who shop online at Walmart.com purchase? Video games, electronics, and a few kids items. Have a look:

Rank Item
1 Nintendo Wii Console w/ Wii Sports Game
2 Apple iPod Touch 8GB, 3rd Gen (Newest model)
3 Wii Fit Plus with Balance Board (Wii)
4 PlayStation 3 120GB Console
5 Apple iPod Touch 32GB, 3rd Gen (Newest model)
6 Nintendo DS Lite, Metallic Rose
7 Wii Play with BONUS Remote Wii
8 Vizio 55" Class 1080p 120Hz LCD HDTV, VF550M
9 Kodak EasyShare C140 Orange 8.2MP Digital Camera Bundle
10 Nintendo DSi, Black
11 Nintendo DS Lite, Cobalt Blue
12 Vizio 47" Class 1080p 120Hz LCD HDTV, SV470M
13 Xbox 360 Elite 120GB Console w/ 2 Bonus Games
14 Vizio 42" Class Eco 1080p 60Hz LCD HDTV, VO420E
15 Star Trek XI (Widescreen)
16 DS Nintendo DSi, Pink
17 Step2 LifeStyle Custom Kitchen (Play kitchen for kids)
18 Nintendo DSi, Blue
19 Sony PlayStation Portable Slim PSP-3000, Piano Black
20 Mindflex
21 RCA 250W DVD Home Theater System with 1080p Upconvert DVD Player, RTD317W
22 Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince (Widescreen)
23 Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 w/ Bonus $10 eGift Card (Xbox 360)
24 Acer Purple 10.1" Aspire One AOD250-1341 Netbook PC with Intel Atom Processor, 6 Cell Battery & Windows 7 Starter Edition
25 Fisher-Price Power Wheels Kawasaki KFX Ride-On
26 Sanyo 42" 1080p 60Hz LCD HDTV, DP42849
27 Vizio 42" Class 1080p 120Hz LCD HDTV, SV420M
28 Sanyo 50" 720p 60Hz HDTV, DP50749
29 Leapster 2 Pink
30 Magnavox 160GB HDD & DVD Recorder with Digital Tuner
31 Nintendo DS Lite, Crimson Red
32 TomTom One 125 Portable GPS with 3.5" Touch Screen
33 Kodak EasyShare C140 Aqua 8 MP Digital Camera Bundle
34 Flip UltraHD U2120 Black Camcorder, 2" LCD Display, 2 Hours of HD Recording Time, 8GB Memory
35 Fujifilm FinePix A220 Silver 12MP Digital Camera Bundle includes Fujifilm 2GB SD Memory card, Deluxe Camera Case, 50 Bonus Photo Prints coupon
36 Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian (Widescreen)
37 Fisher-Price Power Wheels Girls' Barbie KFX ATV
38 Garmin nuvi 265WT 4.3" Screen GPS Navigation w/ Spoken Street Names, Bluetooth and Lifetime Traffic
39 Adventure Play Sets Pathfinder Wooden Swing Set
40 LeapFrog Leapster 2, Green
41 John Deere Gator HPX Ride-On
42 Acer Purple 10.1" Aspire One AOD250-1371 Netbook PC with Intel Atom Processor & Windows 7 Starter Edition
43 Razor E150 Electric Scooter, Red
44 Vizio 32" Class Eco 720p 60Hz LCD HDTV, VO320E
45 Personalized Winter Family Doormat
46 Sanyo Xacti VPC-E870 Silver ~ 8 MP Digital Camera w/ 3x Optical Zoom, Face Detection
47 Sony Bravia 40" 1080p 60Hz LCD HDTV, KDL40S5100
48 Viore 19" Class 720p 60Hz HDTV LCD DVD Combo, LCD19VH65
49 Vizio 37" Class Eco 1080p 60Hz LCD HDTV, VO370M
50 Garmin Nuvi 1390T 4.3" GPS Navigator
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7 Books That Went Rogue Before Sarah Palin

Going Rogue: An American Life

Going Rogue: An American Life

She's such a maverick. Every move Sarah Palin makes is so bold and revolutionary, yet designed to be appeal to the most conservative of anti-progress conservatives.

And yet in her manifesto teach us 'Mercans to be more original, trailblazing, and 'Mercan like her, she labels herself with a term that not only carries negative connotation the size of a Moose, but also has already been used by some interesting company.


Rogue

Rogue


June 2008 release by the romance authority Danielle Steel is about a 40-something woman seizing her independence from a never-grow-up ex-husband to raise three kids and build a successful psychiatric practice and...yes, even meet a doctor who fits the man-of-her-dreams profile right before the ol' hubby rushes back into the scene. Not sure if the title fits this one. Perhaps a scramble of the letters to produce Rouge would fit better.


Leadership Secrets of the Rogue Warrior

Leadership Secrets of the Rogue Warrior


I had never heard of one @#$% Marcinko, but anyone who looks like the lovechild of Mister T. and Sinbad AND pens his book chapters as a new Ten Commandments deserves to ram the word Rogue into his book title. After all, Chapter 1's title ends with "I will always lead you from the front - not the rear."


Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything (P.S.)

Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything (P.S.)


This is the controversial bestseller that uses data (gasp!) to suggest the Giuliani-era crime rate drop in New York City was caused by the legalization of abortion in Roe v Wade two decades earlier, AND that baby names go in and out of fashion as the haughty upper class continues to seek new/original/unique names for their children as fast as the uneducated/poor lower class plays copycat to (subconsciously) give their offspring a better chance at success.


Gang Leader for a Day: A Rogue Sociologist Takes to the Streets

Gang Leader for a Day: A Rogue Sociologist Takes to the Streets


Riding on the coattails of the Freakonomics case study on this author, the publisher gets docked for the obvious spinoff but redeems itself for labeling Sudhir Venkatesh "rogue" also. Appropriate, I think, given that he walked his brown skin into da hood, whereas the Freakonomist Stephen Levitt remains a skinny white guy living a quite professor's life at the University of Chicago.


Rogue Trader RPG: Core Rulebook (Warhammer 40,000 Roleplay)

Rogue Trader RPG: Core Rulebook (Warhammer 40,000 Roleplay)


The bible for role-playing game Rogue Trader promises to help you "seek out profit and plunder amongst unexplored regions of space" while discovering "ancient and forgotten mysteries" and searching out "the unknown to find lost human worlds or never-before-seen celestial phenomena." Just reading the description makes me want to go rogue. And trade stuff, of course.


Rogue Male (New York Review Books Classics)

Rogue Male (New York Review Books Classics)


At first glance, I hoped this would be the perfect companion to Sarah Palin's "Rogue Female" but this novel from 1983 (only one year too early to be really weird!) pits the main character against the evil Hitler and his secret service. Wait a second...Palin-ish Republicans have called Obama the next Hitler. Perhaps this is someday Senator Sarah's prequel!


Rogue #1 : Going Rogue (Marvel Comics)

Rogue #1 : Going Rogue (Marvel Comics)


"The woman known as Rogue has been many things: fighter, friend, soldier, lover...and now, daughter." No, not Sarah Palin. It's Rogue from X-Men. And no, this glimpse into her childhood and family background doesn't take her home to Alaska. She's from Mississippi. Duh. Rogue is way more rogue than Sarah Palin. Like two times as much, because this book title uses our new favorite R-word twice!

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